Should

I am going to quit using the word should. All the shoulds and should nots I can say to myself do not change a thing. I have wasted too much energy saying I should have done this or I should not have done that. In each case, it was either done or not done and wishing it away does not change the action or inaction. All it does is make me feel guilty about what I did or didn’t do.

So, I am no longer going to should myself.  I will be responsible for my behavior and my words and will bring awareness to how I feel about my action or inaction.

image:
www.neurosciencemarketing.com

Busy

I refuse to be busy. My days are filled with activity but I am learning how to do what I need and want to do without being busy. This means I am aware of when I need to take a break, take a nap, or take a slow, mindful walk.

I’ve been busy all my life. I seem to have a knack for adding more and more to my day so I can feel productive. I still  make lists of the things I want to  do on any given day. The difference between now and then is if I don’t get the things on my list done, I don’t panic or stress myself. I just move the chore to the next day, or I eliminate it and bless the moment.

image:
inamirrordimly.com

Run

I used to run errands. Now, my mission is to carry out my task and to take my time doing it.

About six months ago I realized how I set myself up to rush around by continuously saying I had to run errands. And, run is what I did. I watched the clock, hurried to get it all done so I could get home and get busy. No more running for me.

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Hurry

To hurry is to buy into lack of time.  Twenty-four hours is available to me every day and I can wisely spend it the way I choose.

In order to not feel hurried or rushed, I start getting ready to go where I need to go earlier. If I have to be somewhere at 11:00, instead of trying to get as much done as I can until 10:30 then rush to get dressed so I can get out the door, I start getting ready at 10:00. I also have learned to leave an ample amount of unscheduled time in my day.

image:
marissabracke.com

One day I asked myself, “Why do I keep stressing and pushing myself?”  That was when I decided to take a step back and look closely at how I spend my days. The first thing I noticed was how much pressure I put on myself. It was clear to me that the pressure was self-induced. I was so used to living in anxiety and rushing to get more done that I set myself up to stay stressed.

I’ve always felt there was not enough time for me to do what I want and need to do. I now realize there is plenty enough time to get it all done, and if there isn’t I need to give something up.

Rushing around to do more keeps me from the quiet place where my soul longs to dwell.  The more I accept there is only so much I can do, the more fully I am able to engage in a life of peace and tranquility.

image: mumwrites.om

I do not miss those days of shoulds, run, busy, and hurry.  I eliminated those words and decided not to replace them with any other words. I still have an active life but my pace is  slower and my life is richer as a result.

Understanding Circadian Rhythm Sleep Disorder

Sleep is a paramount human activity and the amount of time you dedicate to it makes a significant contribution to the overall state of your health.  Have you ever noticed how people are able to fast for a week but still function well enough to go to work 8 hours a day? They may be a little weak at times, but at the end of the fast they’re able to bounce back to tip-top condition.

If a person was to stay awake for seven days, that person would barely have enough energy to work, or at the very least be functional. After eighteen hours of being awake, our concentration and cognitive functions start to take a downward slide. Sleep is important and is necessary.

image:
www.clker.com

The reason why we sleep is still a mystery. Nonetheless, it is an indispensable element of human nature. However, most of us are big abusers of our bodies sleeping needs. No wonder there are over 70 sleep disorders. Most common and popular are those associated with our circadian rhythms.

What is a circadian rhythm?  It is our body’s internal clock, which determines what time we feel sleepy and what time we’re supposed to be wide awake. This internal body clock first takes its cues from our routines or environmental factors called zeitgebers.  (Ex. light and darkness). Whenever there is a drastic change in that routine, our circadian rhythms are disrupted and we are “out of sync”. This means that the time we see on the clock is different from the clock programmed in our brains, hence these sleep disorders:

Jet Lag Syndrome

This sleep disorder usually happens to people who travel a lot via airplanes. The change in time zones is so abrupt that the body’s circadian rhythm is confused. This is because, at that different time zone, the person must wake and sleep at a different time, one that our body’s internal clock is not used to. This syndrome is only temporary and lasts 1-2 days after air travel.

Shift-Work Syndrome

This occurs mainly in people who have shifting work hours – nurses, call center agents, policemen, etc. A person becomes excessively sleepy during his/her work hours because they are working at times when the body should be sleeping. This is called a graveyard shift. As a result, these people tend to have trouble sleeping and they wake up earlier than they were supposed to – hence, they still feel very tired.

Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome (DSPS)

A person with DSPS wakes up more than two hours later than is considered normal. These people tend to burn the midnight oil ‘til about 1-3am, and then wake up in the late morning or afternoon. DSPS is common among adolescents and young adults.It is affecting 16% of the population in the US.

Advanced Sleep Phase Syndrome (ASPS)

Obviously, this is the opposite of DSPS. When a person has ASPS, they wake up earlier than usual. These people are what we usually call the “morning types” or “early risers”. ASPS is more common as people age and it affects 1% of middle and older aged adults.

Non-24 Hour Sleep-Wake/Free Running Disorder (FRD)

This condition results when a person’s daily routine exceeds 24 hours, causing his schedule to be stretched on and on and on as the days go by. For example, a freelance web designer wakes up at 10am then stretches work hours all the way to 6am the next day (that’s already twenty hours), sleeps six hours and wakes up at 12pm (that’s a 26 hour day). He then stretches his day all the way to 9am and sleeps ‘til 3pm, and the cycle continues. Hence, sleep is pushed later and later each day, until he/she has cycled around the clock. Sometimes it happens in a matter of days, but mostly months.

If you are experiencing excessive sleepiness, depression, impaired work performance ,or sleep loss, you may suffer from a sleep disorder. Treatments regarding circadian rhythm disorders usually involve setting particular routines and making lifestyle changes.

image:
www.luciddreamexplorers.com

For example, since our internal body clock also gets its cue from light, there is a treatment called “bright light therapy” whereby the eyes are exposed to safe levels of light at strategic times of the day. Some people also try to treat themselves by disciplining their bodies to adhere to a particular schedule. However, it is always best to approach your doctor to get a better grasp of your sleep disorder and to find specific treatments as well.

Resources:

http://www.stanford.edu/~dement/circadian.html

http://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/guide/circadian-rhythm-disorders-cause

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2082105/

This is such a beautiful message from one of my favorite poets.

Mary Oliver: “Messenger”

My work is loving the world.
Here the sunflowers, there the hummingbird—
equal seekers of sweetness.
Here the quickening yeast; there the blue plums.
Here the clam deep in the speckled sand.

Are my boots old? Is my coat torn?
Am I no longer young, and still half-perfect? Let me
keep my mind on what matters,
which is my work,

which is mostly standing still and learning to be
astonished.
The phoebe, the delphinium.
The sheep in the pasture, and the pasture.
Which is mostly rejoicing, since all the ingredients are here,

which is gratitude, to be given a mind and a heart
and these body-clothes,
a mouth with which to give shouts of joy
to the moth and the wren, to the sleepy dug-up clam,
telling them all, over and over, how it is
that we live forever.

“Messenger” by Mary Oliver, from Thirst: Poems. © Beacon Press, 2007.

Photography credit: Unknown (originally color).

Until the early 1970′s I didn’t know I was a seeker. It wasn’t until I left the safe box of organized religion and my family’s rules and beliefs that I realized there was something more to life. At that time I began to seriously question what I had been taught. I sensed there was a big world out there and more truth than I had ever heard or thought about, but didn’t know which direction to go.  So, I just started walking.

image:www.shutterstock.com

Since then I have gone from valleys to mountains, from brilliant sunshine to the blackest of nights, and from loss that has broken my heart to gains that have made me shout with exhilaration. The journey thus far has not been boring.

I thought for a while I was seeking God and that I needed redemption so I turned to evangelical religion. This was brand new for me and for almost four years I thought I’d found what my heart longed for. But then the narrow beliefs of their brand of God led me out of that place. There was not enough room in that box for me.

trapped in a box
image:www.flickr.com

After that I tried career building and success. I went to college, got a degree, and successfully managed a large doctors practice. I then opened a consulting business and enjoyed career success. I became a management consultant, a public speaker, and a seminar and workshop leader. Eventually I moved beyond that because though I enjoyed financial success my soul was still empty and seeking.

www.howtolovespeaking.com

I tried to get my fix from relationships but because I was needy and looking for someone to fix me, I could not find any lasting satisfaction in that arena.  For a while I was happy, loved, and in what felt like a comfortable place. Eventually, that too paled and I knew relationships with others, as wonderful as they are, are not able to fill the void.

It’s only been the past two years that I’ve come to clearly see what my heart has longed for and what my path is about. My search has been for the way home to my true Self, the kingdom of heaven within. My longing has been to come home to my deepest Self, to my soul, to reconnect with the god within. I’ve longed to come home to source, to the deep knowing of the wholeness I was born with, my intact soul.

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As I recapture my true essence I am learning to walk through the fire, stand still in darkness and not be afraid, and stay in the valley as long as I need to without trying to escape the experience.

Somehow, through all the trials, tribulations, and high and low moments of my life I have learned the blessedness of silence, waiting, and trust. I feel a deep sense of peace within my being and a joy that is not based on what’s going on around me or in the world. In the blackest hole I sense the peace and joy that abides in my center.

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I’m on my way home. I recognize the signposts along the way. I’m in a clear, well-lit space. What tomorrow will bring remains to be seen, but whatever it is I’m not afraid anymore. I’m connected to creator, my source, and I’m on my way home. This is the time of my life.

“The image of coming home is a powerful, archetypal symbol for returning to one’s deepest self, to the soul. To come home is to return to the place of inner origin, that original imprint of God within. Therefore, coming home fills us with a sense of being in the right place, a sense of deep spiritual belonging. We all have this profound longing to come home, whether we recognize it or not.” Sue Monk Kidd 

How to Live Consciously Each Day of Your Life

 Finding the key to true happiness cannot be solely determined by your wealth and how much money you are earning. True happiness is found from within, and it often requires plenty of reflection and years dedicated to getting to know yourself from the inside out. Living consciously each day of your life is a way to gain insight into what truly makes you happy and feeling as if you are living a fulfilling life with everything you do, regardless of where you come from and the money you have. Living consciously can be done with a few different steps depending on what areas of your life you desire to improve.

image: www.thetrendguys.com

Assess Your Life and Current Career: Before you can begin living consciously each day of your life, you must assess your current life choices and review whether or not you are truly happy with the work you are doing each day. If you are not in a line of work you enjoy, this may be taking away from you reaching your full potential while loving what you have to offer to this world.

Determine Your Passions: Determining your passions will help you to see the right paths you should take in order to help make your life more fulfilling and satisfying over time. Once you have discovered what your true passions are and your purpose in this life, you can then begin to set short and long-term goals to help keep you on the right track. When you involve your passions in a way that allows you to earn a living, you will never feel as if you are working a day in your life.

meditating
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Take Time to Meditate, Relax and Unwind: Living consciously requires the commitment to understanding your body’s needs while taking the time to reflect, relax and unwind regularly. Everyday stresses can cause illness, depression and even a withdrawal from enjoying hobbies that you once had a passion for and loved. Take time to meditate each day, enjoy long walks and ensure you are taking enough deep breaths to clear your mind, focus and feel more rejuvenated. Spend time with loved ones and friends regularly to live in the now and to “just be”, rather than planning every moment of each day.

Let Go of Negativity: Letting go of negativity is a key factor of living consciously, although it may seem challenging in any situation. Remove negative self-doubting thoughts from your mind with peaceful meditations and mantras and replace them with motivational quotes and phrases to keep you moving forward. Eliminate unnecessary stress and drama from your life to focus on bigger and better goals for your career, love life and the relationships you have with your friends and family members.

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Surround Yourself With Positive Influences: At some point in your life, you may find yourself surrounded by negative family and friends who prefer talking down on others and only focusing on the hardships they are facing. It is important to surround yourself only with individuals who want to improve their own situations and lives, helping to boost your own morale and keeping you as positive as possible. Surrounding yourself with positive influences in your life is a way to feel better about your future while maintaining any goals you have planned for yourself.

Thank you, Ken, for helping to remind us what is important in life.

Mother at the xmas parade 2012

“It’s 100 degrees here today, Mother.”

“What?”

“I said it’s 100 degrees here today,” thinking once again, how I wish she’d get a hearing aid.

Silence

“Did you hear me? It’s 100 degrees here. How is it there?” I scream into the phone.

“Yeh. Yeh. Me too.” she laughs.

Laughing with good-hearted exasperation, I shout, “It’s hot as hell.”

“Oh, it’s hot here too.”

This is how the phone conversations with my ninety-one year old mother usually go. Pearl, my gem of a mother, is aging. Somewhere along the path of life, I’d convinced myself my mother would stay young forever, and then one day I looked up and she was growing older.

My mother when she was a little girl in the 1920′s

I live in Virginia and my mother lives in Louisiana, but I visit her often. The hardest part of the visit is when I have to leave.  Often, she and I will tenaciously cling to each other, like we’re afraid to let go. I don’t know what she’s feeling on her end, but I’m always afraid it will be the last time I’ll see her and get to hold her tightly in my arms. So I breathe her in, and feel her face against mine, and take one more mental snapshot to file away in my memory bank.

I didn’t always have this easy relationship with my mother. The first fifty years of my life were spent in a pseudo-relationship. As her child, I wanted and needed her to be someone she wasn’t.  I judged everything about her according to her mothering skills, and missed her humanity.

Nothing changed between us until I matured to the point where I was able to part the cobwebs and see a woman instead of a mother. As another woman, I could recognize her strengths and weaknesses, and her struggles. I understood her wish to do her best and give what she had. The more I understood, the deeper our conversations and relationship became, and eventually we grew to be good friends.

My mother in her 20′s

The moments I get to spend with my mother are very precious.  I sit and look at her and watch her movements.  I notice her thinning white hair and remember when it was thick and black. Her face is still beautiful and most people are shocked to learn she’s ninety-one.  She has lovely full lips and beautiful hazel eyes. Her smooth hands are graced with lovely manicured nails, and her once 5 feet 6 inch frame is now a mere 5 feet 1.When she was younger people said she looked like Elizabeth Taylor.

On mothers day when my mother was in her 30′s

I’m saddened as I watch her shuffle across the floor with her upper back somewhat rounded and stooped. She no longer reads because even the biggest print is too small for her to see. Her hearing is going, more in her right ear, than her left, and her memory is fading. When she’s home, even when I’m there with her, she spends most of the day in her recliner, napping with her arms folded and her head resting on her chest.

Mother napping in her chair 2013

I sometimes wonder what it would feel like to be in her body and mind. She’s suffered the loss of her mother, father, only brother, aunts, uncles, cousins she grew up with, most of her friends, including her best friend of over twenty years, and her favorite seventeen year old niece.

When she talks to me I sometimes hear a sadness in her as she mourns the loss of a way of life that was simple and full. She has a difficult time understanding life today, with all the electronic gadgets, loss of values and morality, and the dissemination of the family unit. She remembers the days when family took care of family, when children were mindful of their parents, and when we used to sit around as a family to listen to the radio, read, and pray together before we went to bed. She often says, “What is this world coming to? I don’t understand how people think anymore, and I’m glad my time is coming to an end.” She dislikes what she sees and hears, and feels frustrated by her inability to cope with the changes.

my mother on her 80th birthday

As a child, she went through the depression and tells me how embarrassed she was to kneel at the altar at church, because she had holes in the soles of her shoes. She remembers bread lines, rationed sugar, and the feel of a society in the grips of poverty and fear. She tells stories of how my grandpa would go hunting or fishing almost every day so they’d have food on the table.

My maternal grandmother had tuberculosis and spent most of the first ten years of my mother’s life in a TB sanatorium in Texas. My mother and her little brother were left with family members while my grandpa went to Texas to stay with my grandma. Eventually, my grandpa got a job in Texas and my mother and uncle went to stay with him. The family never knew, from one day to the next, if my grandmother was going be alive.  One day my mother and I were talking about this situation.

“Mother, that must have been very hard on you, and I think you would have been very afraid.”

“I was always afraid my mother was going to die,” she tearfully responded.

“How did you handle that? Was there someone you could go to with your sadness?”

Still crying, “No. I used to get in the chiffarobe, shut the door, and cry silently while praying for my mother to live.”

I can’t even pretend to imagine what it would feel like to be a child living from one day to the next not knowing if my mother was going to live. Thankfully, the dry air in Texas helped my grandmother convalesce to the point where she was able to go home to Louisiana. My grandmother was always sick though and my mother was always worried.

As many older people who have been through a lot of life and loss, she has her moments of being cantankerous, moody, stubborn, and depressed. When she’s like that, I remind myself of all she’s been through, and give thanks that she’s here and is physically healthy.

My mother on her 90th birthday

I don’t know how much longer my mother will be here. What I do know is how important it is to stay close to her and shower her with love and respect for the beautiful woman and mother that she is. Her journey has been a long one, and as her eyes grow dimmer and her hearing is going, I’m filled with gratitude that I’ve gotten to go along for a large part of her journey.

Me, my mother, and my brother 2013

Pearl and Brenda 2012

Happy Mothers Day to my beautiful mother and to all mothers who are reading this.
The universe would not be the same without you.
You are important.
Love and peace ♥ Brenda

Stephanie, our guest author for today,  is a freelance writer and hair stylist who resides in New Mexico.

Whether you’re close with your mother, estranged, or a mother yourself, think about celebrating Mother’s day in a healthy way. Skip that high-calorie brunch buffet at the local resort, put away the bon-bons and mimosas and do something that’s good for your body, mind and soul.

Instead of splurging on an extravagant gift like jewelry or perfume, send her a bouquet of Mother’s Day flowers and spend the day together doing something more meaningful. Here are four healthy ways to celebrate Mother’s Day.

Mothers day flowers
image: google

Take a Yoga Class

Start the day with a yoga class together so you can both bring your focus inward and nurture your inner peace. Taking a Kundalini yoga class is a great way to step back and center the mind by awakening your chakras and aligning with your inner energy. New to yoga? An Ashtanga class may be more suitable for beginners to help you and your mom learn the poses and become familiar with the essential breathing techniques necessary to progress to a truly transcendent practice. With regular practice, yoga can become a habit that helps you both manage stress more effectively and achieve a heightened state of inner peace.

yoga pose
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Run a 5K

Enjoy the benefits of running a 5K race this Mother’s Day with your mom. Take on a personal challenge together of completing your first race or setting a new personal record (PR in runner language). There are numerous Mother’s Day 5K races all over the country, including races in the following major cities:

• Denver
• Chicago
• Kansas City
• Minneapolis
• Seattle

running a 5 k race
image: www.greatist.com

Practice Meditation

If you and your mom are on the path to finding inner peace, find clarity and satisfaction through meditation. Take Mother’s Day as an opportunity to make room in your lives for more love and light. By taking time to focus and reflect inward, you both can grow to be more mindful of the world. Meditation can help you and your mom to maintain focus and a sense of calm that will not falter, even when challenges obstruct your spiritual path.

If you’re unfamiliar with meditation, world-renowned spiritual guru Deepak Chopra offers a simple practice you can both try at home.

meditating
image: google

There are also an assortment of meditation apps for your mobile phone that can help you stay centered and at peace:

• Headspace: Free
• The Mindfulness App: $1.99
• Buddhify: $2.99
• Smiling Mind: Free
• Mindfulness Meditation: $1.99
• Simply Being: $0.99

Enjoy Nature

Get back to basics and relish in the beauty of nature. Spend the day together hiking an undiscovered trail, working in the garden or relaxing with a good book on the beach. Take this as an opportunity to slow down and appreciate the goodness that surrounds us every day. Take in the beauty that both of you are usually too rushed to appreciate.
If your schedule allows, spend the entire weekend in the wilderness and go camping with your mom. Remove all of the distractions of daily life and bring your focus inward to celebrate Mother Nature together this Mother’s Day.

image: google

Happy Mother’s day to all mothers who are reading this blog. I pray your day be filled with sunshine, love, and bright and beautiful moments. Brenda

Looking back on my childhood I remember another aunt who was an angel sent to me. I don’t remember my Aunt Diele ever telling me she loved me,but she showed it in different ways.  When I went to visit her she always had warm rice pudding waiting for me.  She knew how much I loved her rice pudding and I think because of it she put a whole lot of love into creating that dish. The texture was so creamy and it had just the right amount of cinnamon and nutmeg.  In my young mind it was a gastronomical delight.

image: www.smittenkitchen.com

My Tante (aunt) Diele was my great aunt. My paternal grandmother died when my daddy and his twin brother were seven years old. There were four other living children to be cared for and surprisingly my grandpa raised them alone. The older girls quit school to take care of the house and the younger children. A few years later, when my grandfather was a little older, my aunt Odelia moved in with him. Aunt Diele was unmarried and in those days, as a woman in her forties, she was considered an old maid.

When my Aunt Madeline married and moved to Norco, La. her younger unmarried brothers followed. My grandpa and Aunt Diele moved there also and they lived down the street from us.

I used to go spend the night at my grandpa’s and I would sleep in the bed with my aunt. The bed was very high and underneath it was a slop jar with a cover on it. The house did not yet have indoor plumbing so there was an outhouse in the back yard. I was afraid to go in the outhouse so my aunt would let me use the chamberpot. When I’d wake up during the night to use the bathroom Aunt Diele would help me out of that big high bed and let me sit on the chamber pot. I’d do my business, she’d put the cover on it and slide it back under the bed, then she’d lift me up into the bed where I would cuddle against her body until I went back to sleep.

chamber pot
image: google.com

Though I didn’t like having to use the chamber pot, I went to my grandpa’s often because of the warm rice pudding and the kindness of my aunt.

At that time in my life I was totally unaware that Aunt Diele was a port in the storm for me. With a bowl of warm rice pudding that was made especially for me, she said “I care about you and you are important.” As a little girl who felt very out of place in my family and very inadequate, both of these aunts reached out to me. Oddly enough, these two aunts were present when I was born at home in my mother’s bed.

I don’t think I knew how loved I was by my Aunt Madeline and Aunt Diele. Being a child, I was not able to make the connection between their making my favorite dishes for me and having me at their house a lot, as a way of saying how much they cared.

My aunts believed in me and I didn’t know it.
image: google

Today, as I sift through my memories, I am aware of how important that peach ice cream and rice pudding was in my life.  I send a loving thank you to Aunt Madeline and Aunt Diele. They were my angels.

I love the stillness of snow falling

Spirit has brought me into a quiet place where I am learning to find comfort with no-thingness. While everyone around me is busy with goals, challenges, and a purpose, all I can do is be still. Often I experience a deep sense of joy in having my current purpose be to practice being okay without a purpose.

A bird sitting still.
Image: www.allcreatures.org

I’m being called to wait. “Just wait,” Spirit whispers in my heart.  I’m not sure what I’m waiting for but it seems all I can possibly do is be quiet and wait. This is not the time for me to try to make things happen or to search for answers outside of myself. My insight in this is that being still is not about inactivity; it’s about a stillness at the center of my being, which I am willing to embrace.

a caterpillar in a cocoon waiting for metamorphosis
image: national geographic

To my surprise, I am finding an even deeper sense of peace and joy with my life by just being in every moment. To really know that if I’m working a crossword puzzle, sleeping till 9:00 AM, watching a favorite TV show, sitting outside having a martini, or studying the Upanishads, the bible, or the Tao of Pooh, it is all inspired activity because the inspiration is embodied within.

Winnie the pooh and friends

I think I’ve spent too much time trying to do, read, study, be inspired, find and meet a challenge, and all sorts of activities to make my life sacred. For so long I felt I had to do something to make my life matter and in that belief I possibly missed the simplicity of the sacred.  For a long time I was afraid to just give up the activity and let there be space.

image: space.com

Sometimes I get bored and I want to try to fill the space. But, Spirit reminds me to stay quiet and leave the space alone because there is no activity that can possibly fill that sacred space.  Anything I try to do at this point only creates clutter in the space.

clutter in space
image: www.space.com

I’m coming to a conclusion: There is no substitute for sacred stillness. This is the time to let it be, let it unfold, let life manifest itself in its own time. Just let it be.