There is a Tibetan word that denotes getting hooked. It is Shenpa and it is about attachment to our identity, possessions, views, opinions, knowledge, religion, political affiliations, ideals or anything else.
Pema Chodron says,” Here’s how shenpa shows up in everyday experiences. Somebody says a harsh word and something in you tightens: instantly you’re hooked. That tightness quickly spirals into blaming the person or denigrating yourself. The chain reaction of speaking or acting or obsessing happens fast.
Maybe, if you have strong addictions, you go right for your addiction to cover over the uncomfortable feelings. This is very personal. What was said gets to you—it triggers you. It might not bother someone else at all, but we’re talking about what touches your sore place—that sore place of shenpa.”
How do we know we’re attached to anything? If someone takes a stance different from ours and we feel anger rise, our throat tighten, a faster heartbeat or quickening breaths, we know we’re attached. When we think our belief is being threatened by what someone says or does and we’re ready to fight, we’re attached and we’ve been hooked.
There is nothing wrong with having our own belief system and opinions; it’s our attachment to them that gets us hooked and in trouble. It’s thinking something is wrong with anyone who does not share our belief. It’s may extend to calling others names, putting them down, physical fighting, ostracizing, and bullying because they dare to believe differently.
google image: rvoice.co.uk
If you think you’re not attached to your beliefs watch how you respond when you’re around someone who has a different belief.
If you’re a Democrat and you spend time with a Republican who strongly believes their party is the only right one and they proceed to bash your party, notice how you feel. That anger and sometimes rage is shenpa. If you’re a Christian and you find yourself in the presence of someone who thinks christianity is stupid, watch how you respond. You may contain yourself without, but how are you feeling within?
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I’ve been paying attention to the shenpa in my life and see clearly how attached I am to my routine, lifestyle, what I think I know, how I’m used to feeling, my identity, and my ideas of what’s acceptable.
Recently, due to an experience I had that involved technology, I’ve seen another side of shenpa and how it plays out in my life. Last Friday I decided to upgrade my blogsite and switch to a self hosted service. Because I know my mental limitations when it comes to computers, I paid to have someone at WordPress do the switch for me and give me two weeks support.
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I turned my laptop on Saturday morning and saw the domain change had been made so I was good to go. I went to my list of blogs waiting in the queue and found the one I planned on posting that morning. I did what I always do but once it published it disappeared into space. When I went to the URL where my blog posts, the latest blog was not there. It had published but I could not find it.
Going back to my dashboard I realized everything on the screen was from before the domain change. I could not comprehend what happened to my new domain and I could not find it. I was extremely frustrated and near tears because I had no idea how to fix it. Feeling myself coming unglued I made one of the smartest decisions I’ve made recently. No, I did not chuck the laptop in the trash nor did I throw it through the window.
google image:othersiderainbow.blogspot.com
I decided to walk away and take a leisurely stroll around the neighborhood. While walking I noticed the negative script running through my head. It went like this. “I’m so dumb I can’t figure anything out, I’m too old to be fooling with computers, perhaps the universe is trying to tell me I need to give up blogging, and I’m too stupid to figure anything out.”
I saw how not being able to figure “simple, basic” technology hooks me. It captures me every time it happens. Once I’m hooked my attachment is to indulge in putting myself down and making myself wrong. It’s what I’ve always done and I know it is a result of being asked if I was stupid when I was younger and I couldn’t understand something.
photo image: youthvoices.net
As I continued to walk and look at what I was seeing I somehow had enough presence of mind to make a powerful decision to unhook myself. I told the critical parent living in my head to shut up and then I decided to let the computer thing go.
I chose to walk away from the blogsite until Monday morning when I could hopefully get in touch with someone who could help me. When I surrendered and let it go I felt the stress leave my body.
image: kundaliniyoga.homestead.com
The lesson for me in this latest meltdown was seeing how shenpa is not just about attachments to ideas and beliefs, it’s also about my habitual response to being hooked. My attachment to not understanding technology is negative self-talk. This is a repetitive pattern that I’ve lived out of for most of my life.
Some are attached to cutting when they are stressed, some to pills, alcohol, shopping, busyness, etc. Unfortunately, I cut myself with words.
google image:patcegan.wordpress.com
Once we can identify what hooks us and what our patterned response is, we can begin to loosen our attachment, the shenpa we have to our hot buttons. We can become familiar with our responses and choose to let go of our familiar way of acting out. We can choose to stop strengthening habits that bring pain to us and to others.
What are you attached to? What hooks you? What are your patterned responses? If you don’t know the answers to these questions pay close attention to your life and you’ll see your shenpa. We all have it, none are exempt.
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Thank you for this great and relate-able explanation of shenpa. I have not heard this term before but man have I felt it. I had an experience last night coming home on the plane. I was getting pretty hateful in my mind about the girl in front of me who kept her phone on during landing and her seat reclined. People who I deem selfish, self-important, and as having little to no regard for others get me worked up like crazy. I tried detaching and being the “witness” and just watching my irrational self get so hooked by this attachment. I wish I could say I walked away completely at peace… I just sent a few loving kindness prayers her way and called it a night.
Always more to discover and work on, isn’t life delicious.
The beautiful thing about the event on the plane is that you noticed. That is awesome. Think of how many people go through these experiences all the time and don’t even know they’re being hooked. They just keep blaming the other people and stay stuck in the same old stuff.
Thank you for reading and for your great comment. And yes, life is DELICIOUS. Hugs.
I so hear you on this one lifeandfriendship
I get pretty pissed off with people who behave in this manner, no regard to anyone else and selfish and self absorbed. Sometimes I struggle to let it go but I know by saying anything to them will not change that person. It’s their shit, their karma I guess but it annoys me all the same 
Michele, You’re so beautiful.
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Wow, Brenda, great post! I’m so sorry you are having computer problems and I understand your frustration. I adore the internet and building sites and making movies and still I get as frustrated as all get out when they misbehave.
Well done you for getting a self hosted site. I am surprised there was no 24/7 support though via online chat.
Is it all sorted now? If I can help in any way, flick me an email. I’m pretty tech savvy, I might be able to help.
Thinking about my own Shenpa or what presses my buttons is many things. Usually political, similar to what you mentioned but more to do with violence towards women, war, genocide, asylum seekers, all those kind of things. I tend to think I’m passionate about those causes and I will use fighting words and sometimes get even deeply upset at the injustice or the pain and suffering caused to innocent people. Is that Shenpa or have I missed the point?
And if that is Shenpa – shouldn’t I get angry and fight for what I believe and maybe teach someone along the way that we all need compassion?
I don’t know…it’s a very interesting topic and I’m not entirely sure how I feel about it, but I will let it sit with me this week and I will look for the signs.
Big hugs and happy resolved ‘puter probs soon X
I hear what you’re saying about being passionate about your causes. I am also.
This is what I think. There’s a difference between being passionate and being angry when we see someone or something that is not honoring our cause. I think of Gandhi who lived what he wanted and did not actively fight for it. When we get angry because others are not following through on what we believe is the way to live, it is shenpa. Our buttons have been pushed. I think we can stand up for what we believe and live it out loud without fighting. Fighting is about anger. I get upset also over the same things you mention, plus I have my own dislikes and aversions.
In Mindfulness for beginners Jon Kabat-Zinn talks about aversion which is about our unexamined attachment to our desire that things be different from how they are. He believes aversion arises from anything we don’t want or don’t like, that we want to run away from, that we recoil from, that we want to push away or have disappear. Since reading this and meditating on it I have become aware of how strong my aversion is to the issues you mention. I’m noticing how sometimes my blood boils when I see women being sexually exploited and I want to fight someone. That won’t change anything though. What may bring about change is my being a strong woman who will not be sexualy exploited, one who shares with other women that they do not have to use sex to get what they want in the world. I may effect some changes by doing this in peace and love.
I’m no expert on this stuff, Michele. I only can come from where I live and what I see and believe. What are your thoughts on this stuff I’ve written?
Hi Brenda – good to hear your thoughts on this more. I’m still sitting with it. I agree Anger is possibly counter-productive. I guess it’s all about education then maybe some of the shit that ‘angers’ us will stop or lessen.
I’ve been mindful about this since your post, what presses my buttons and why and I guess I’m still trying to figure out the happy medium between anger vs passion.
I don’t think anger is a bad thing to have (I don’t mean anger towards another being) I mean a bit of aggression when out protesting with the placard or standing on a podium, or fighting your way through grief. Anger needs to be acknowledged and validated. But I guess once anger is acknowledged it’s at that point you can let it go
Stuffing the anger and affirming nice thoughts instead is not healthy and this might be where my conflict is coming from regarding my understanding of Shenpa. Acknowledge and let go…is different and more likely what you are meaning
And yeah, you’re right I guess it’s more about being assertive with what you want to change rather than through aggression and as Ghandi always said. ‘Be the change you want to see in the world.’
Peace out X
Michele, Your words are wondeful. We’re fellow travellers on the path to enlightment and I’m thankful for that and for you.
What you say makes sense to me and I have no doubt but that you’re following your truth and your heart. I trust what you’re saying. Thank you for continuing to keep the conversation going. We’re all learning and unfolding, aren’t we?
there’s actually a word that goes with me wanting to chunk my laptop out the window?
cool….and as I read through “again” I know my shenpa is words also
I was told once that I cut deeper with words than I could ever do with any form of knife or sword
the blood isn’t visible that I draw, but is still bleeding inside….
I had your Saturday last Thursday…I still haven’t figured out what WP is telling me…
*sigh*….I let it go…..and the rains came!….
Thank you Brenda I love going for walks with you…I always learn something
about myself….
Take Care…
You Matter…
)0(
maryrose
Thanks maryrose. I definitely know a few choice words that go with the desire to throw the laptop out the window.
Words were used against me when I was a child so I’ve been trained in how to use words against myself.
What else can we do but let it go and take a walk, or go sit and take some deep breaths? I have about 5 issues on my computer now that are not working and causing me a lot of downtime and I can’t fix any of them. When I ask for help they speak in a jargon I cannot understand. So, here I sit.
Thanks for hearing me and for your precious words of kindness and support. You matter also. Hugs, Brenda
Go easy on yourself, Brenda!
Thanks Rosie. It’s my intention and it’s easier said than done. Since I have so many computer issues right now, none of which I can fix, all I can do is keep walking away and taking deep breaths.