Unraveling Distortion

distortion: L dis, intensive + torquere, to twist.  To twist out of shape. To misrepresent facts, etc., to modify so as to reproduce unfaithfully.  (Websters New World Dictionary and Thesaurus)


Every morning, I sit quietly and wait on Spirit for insight and truth, and I am never disappointed. Words that were spoken to me, things that happened in my informative years, and the inferred messages that changed the course of my life are on the surface for me to see.

I’m not just talking about old wounds, I’m talking about the distorted messages, shared perceptions that I mistook for truth, and behaviors that created the wounding. This new level of uncovering is not accompanied with grief and sorrow, which has been the norm, instead I feel peace, joy, and happiness rolling around inside of me. The clearer my view of the distortion and the more grateful I am for the uncovering, the deeper the joy.

I see the grievances I carried and the lies I bought. With clarity and understanding I am unraveling the basic beliefs about myself and life that, over the years, have created so much upheaval for me. I feel I am in the midst of a miracle as I pull on one loose thread of distortion and the whole ball of yarn unravels in my hand.

What we tell ourselves about ourselves and embrace as truth becomes our reality. Once we interpret and inhabit a message, whether it be a lie or the truth, we embody it.

Some of my interpretations of words & inferred messages I received as a child are:

  • When I was told all boys and men wanted from girls and women was to get in our pants and use us, I heard I was here to be used by men. I carried this one all of my life.
  • When male family members took it upon themselves to “correct” me by hitting me  with a belt, and my mother turned and walked away as I cried out to her for help, I heard I was on my own, alone, and there was absolutely no one here for me. I also learned the emptiness of asking for what I needed.
  • When I was told my daddy did not care about me, he cared more for alcohol, I heard I was worthless and unlovable.
  • When I suffered because I had been rejected by friends and I was ignored in my cry for help and understanding, I heard I had to take care of everything by myself and that it was my job to figure it all out and hold it together.

Children accept what parents and caretakers say and don’t say, but infer, and in our undeveloped minds we create a story that informs the rest of our life, until we see the distortion and know the truth.

I am in the healing process of unraveling distortions in my life and the truth is setting me free. Now, when anger rises because I think I have to do it all, I have a reference point to turn to that reminds me that story is a lie. I do not have to do it all. I am not alone. I am a part of the human family and as such I am surrounded by love and caring. I can ask for what I want and I notice how quickly my prayers and requests are answered.

When I give up the distortion, I choose peace. When I buy into the distortion I choose attack on myself and others. There is really no choice once the truth is seen. I will take peace any day and stay centered in gratitude for insight and connection to that which is much larger than me. Life is good and I am grateful.

 

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